Windgat eerstejaartjie

Die windgat eerstejaartjie kom 'n man langs die see teë en vertel hom hoekom die ouer geslag nie die jonger geslag kan verstaan nie.


"Julle het primitief grootgeword," sê hy hard genoeg sodat almal kan hoor. "Ons word groot met TV, spuitvliegtuie, ruimtereise, 'n man op die maan, kernkrag, selfone en rekenaars."


Die ou man het bietjie gehuiwer, en antwoord toe:

"Jy is reg, seun. Ons het al daai goed waarvan jy praat, uitgevind. Sê my, jou arrogante klein stront: Wat doen júlle vir die volgende geslag?"


Die applous was oorverdowend.

Why golf is important

I'M CONVINCED


  
In 1923, Who Was………….. 
  
  
1. President of the largest steel company? 
  
2. President of the largest gas company? 
  
3. President of the New York Stock Exchange? 
  
4. Greatest wheat speculator? 
    
5. President of the Bank of International Settlement? 
  
6. Great Bear of Wall Street? 
  
  
  
These men were considered some of the worlds most successful of their days. 
  
  
 Now, 80 years later, the history book asks us, if we know what ultimately became of them. 
 


  
  
The Answers: 
  
  
1. The president of the largest steel company. 
  
Charles Schwab, 
  
died a pauper. 
  
  
  
2. The president of the largest gas company, 
  
Edward Hopson, 
  
went insane. 
  
  
  
3. The president of the NYSE, 
  
Richard Whitney, 
  
was released from prison 
  
to die at home. 
  
  
  
4. The greatest wheat speculator, 
  
Arthur Cooger, 
  
died abroad, penniless. 
  
  
  
5. The President 
  
of 
  
 the Bank of International Settlement, 
  
 shot himself. 
  
  
  
6. The Great Bear of Wall Street, 
  
Cosabee Livermore, 
  
also committed suicide 
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
However, 
  
in that same year, 
  
1923, 
  
the PGA Champion 
  
and 
  
the winner of 
  
the 
  
most important golf tournament, 
  
the US Open, 
  
was 
  
Gene Sarazen. 
  
What became of him? 
  
  
  
He played golf until he was 92, 
  
died in 1999 at the age of 95. 
  
He was financially secure 
  
at the time of his death. 
  
  
  
The Moral: 
  
  
Fuck work. 
  
Play golf.

Will I See 80?

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 61.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?

 

Doesn't matter how many times I read this one, I still laugh

Yesterday I was at my local 'Pets at Home' buying a large bag of Eukanuba

 dog food for my daughter's Springer Spaniel and was in the checkout queue
 when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
 
 What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
 little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
 starting the Eukanuba Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
 because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stone
 before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my
 orifices and IVs in both arms.
 
 I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
 works is to load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or
 two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it
 works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
 practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
 
 Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
 food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
 Setter's arse and a car hit us both.
 
 I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
 laughing so hard.
 
 I'm now banned from the Pets at Home store.
 

Arabiese gedig

'n Besonderse Arabiese gedig :

   
 س ? الدستور المعدل عام أص ?حت إس ?انيا دولة قانون إجتماعية و ديمقراطية
 
تحت ن ?ام ملكي ?رلماني. الملك منص ?ه فخري و رن و واحد ?يس الوزراء ه
 
الحاكم الفعلي لل ?لاد. ال ?رلمان الإس ?اني مقسم الى مجلسين واحد للأعيا
 
وعدد أعضاء ي ?ل عين و واحد للنوا ? و عدد نتا ?ج الانتخا ?ات نا ? ?.
 نتا ?ج الانتخا ?ات الأخير م ?ا ?رة من أص ?حت ال ?ع ?سنواتٌ ?ينما كل
 سنواتٌ ?ينما يعين عنتخا ?اتضو من مجلس ا ال ?ع ? أيضاً. ر ?يس الوزراء و
 
الوزراءيتم ماعية و تعيينهمللأعيان
 
 Pragtig nê?

   
 Ek het amper gehuil waar dit sê: ق ?ل ال ?رلمان اعتماداً على نتا ?ج